breath of heaven

i confess.

i did it.

the Christmas music came out this morning.

maybe it is the cool and rainy weather today. maybe it is the mound (I mean, MOUND) of clothes that I am sorting today to give to Goodwill.



but I needed some good music and it was just time!

the song breath of heaven has ministered to my heart for years, I mean I just seriously love that song, sung by Amy Grant.

but I was almost *undone* this morning as I listened to it with new ears, with the ears of a mama who is separated from her babies, with the ears of someone who is longing.

"I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Be with me now.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me."

I could have just bolded and italicized this entire song. it so expresses my heart this morning. i am so grateful that I do not walk this path alone. so thankful for the friendships that have formed along this journey...love you girls!

love and light and hope and peace

Did you know that YOU are loved with an everlasting love? (Jeremiah 31:3)
“The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.”
Deuteronomy 33:27
“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

May Jesus Christ light up your life this day and always!

limbo-ville

has God ever had you in a place named limbo-ville?

a place where you knew you weren't going to be forever, and yet you didn't know when you would get to the next place? or even what that next place would be?

a place where you could vaguely picture what the next phase in life would be like, but sometimes it seemed that the next phase would never really happen?

a place where you get so excited about, and yet you cannot get there any faster because you. are. not. in. control.?



we are in that place. we have been in that place for what seems like forever. we are trying to rest in this place. to be fully present in the place God has us today. to not wish today away in the hopes of a tomorrow that looks different.

i have failed to do this resting thing well, to do this waiting thing well. God, forgive me. please meet us where we are this morning and help us rest in this place.

this place called limbo-ville.

ps: the picture in this post has absolutely nothing to do with anything. but he looks cute. and if i really wanted to stretch it into something meaningful, i would say that our two year old is illustrating our life at the moment: we are not at all where we thought we would be, but we are trying to make the best of it.

staging

thank you so much for the welcome back comments.

for those of you who don't know, there is no adoption news to report. We are waiting and watching and hoping and praying.

in light of the decision to move in the direction of listing our house on the market sooner rather than later, we had a stager come to our home yesterday to give us some tips.

what is a stager? well, according to the movie leap year (which I haven't seen but heard about when I told a friend that a stager was coming to my house),
it is a con-artist.
a person who gives ideas about how to make your home sell faster by giving potential buyers the impression that your home is spacious, clean, and well organized. what paint colors to use, what accessories to add, what furniture to delete.

sounds great, right?

she walked around each room, making comments along the way, balancing nice things and well, reality. she walked in every closet. she took pictures.

there are so many things you don't see until somebody else sees them.

did I tell you she took pictures? of my closet?

The nerve.

Seeing our closet in pictures is much worse than seeing it in person each morning and evening.

Ouch.

Let's just say we have our work cut out for us. We have "the list", a detailed, room by room analysis and job descriptions. So needless to say, Joel is currently painting, and I took it upon myself to go from store to store buying "prettiness" for our "space".

I'll keep you posted.

but I probably won't share the pictures.

yoooo-hoooo

Yes, I am alive!
I am here!

Once you get really far behind in blogging, it is so hard to catch up. Just like journaling, I guess. How in the world do you say all that has been going on since May, when I last posted?

I knew it was time to post when I realized my mom knew more about the lives of the kids in the blogs on my side bar than she knew about mine. oops.

time to post.

Since May, we have
1. waited
2. finished school
3. enjoyed the beach
4. waited
5. decluttered
5. traveled to visit family
6. waited
7. started back to school
8. played soccer
9. waited.

Here are the blessings this afternoon:


It is football season. We are happy people.

I'm thinkin' Cracker Barrel

Tonight we are having friends over for dinner. I was trying to figure out what to serve when all of a sudden it hit me...why, Cracker Barrel of course!

No, we aren't going out to eat, but I thought, why not just make some of our favorite food from there?

So on the menu for tonight, we have:
Chicken Pot Pie
Biscuits (of course!)
Asparagus
Fried Apples
Strawberry Spinach Salad (not Cracker Barrel, just because!)

and, Joel's personal favorite,
Blackberry Cobbler and vanilla ice cream

Want to come?

will this be funny one day?

Ezra, my beloved two year old,


who loves to be with Daddy

and work with power tools of any kind



watched the girls and I paint our toenails. He wanted me to do his. I tried to explain that boys don't paint their toenails.

So, after I put him down for his nap, which is typically taken in my closet, which is attached to my bathroom, where the nail polish is,



I knew I was in trouble when I could smell the nail polish in the kitchen.



I'm sure one day I will laugh.